| Priorities. I've heard that so often. Apparently I've yet to get mine right, well it wouldn't be too far off from the truth to say that actually. I'm taking time off from completing my Rebuttal Sheet for Friday night's debate, to write this entry. You know, it's one of those times you feel sorry for yourself, and you start to regret things you've done so far.
Alright, so today's spar against VJC didn't go as well as I would have liked, I did alright. But it is kind of outstanding when I'm the only one to feel that way, I let my teammates down cause I didn't get the initial Rebuttal Sheet out earlier, and they went into the spar not knowing how to counter any of the arguments that VJ might bring up. It's too easy to say that they should have known how to counter the arguments anyway, and that it wasn't entirely my fault that they didn't how to, in fact there are a thousand and one reasons why I shouldn't be faulted for that. However, I know and they know that at the end it just boils down to a lack of knowledge of the Rebuttals and that is certainly my failure.
So then, you will ask of course, why wasn't it sent out earlier? That's why the whole issue with Priorities comes in. In the morning, I had to do some Prefect business, by then it was lunch time. I got home, and did my e-learning work and then started to finish up the Rebuttal Sheet, by then I had around an hour left to do so. And thus three commitments are found. Prefects, Schoolwork and Debate.
When I told a couple of my friends a while back that I wanted to run for Head Prefect, I was so confident that I knew where my Priorities lay. I was so confident that I'd do well enough, win Debate trophies and be the best Head Prefect ever. I guess now when you think back on that, you realise how foolish you were, and that's exactly how I feel. I don't even know which matters most to me, Schoolwork by right, should be the most significant, however if anything, it's at the bottom of the list. I keep telling myself to just keep going, and God would work something out for me. But you know, sometimes it does get hard. It's so hard to see His plan for you, what's at the end of the tunnel. But I am reminded why it is that hard, are we even supposed to be thinking about what's at the end of the tunnel, in the very first place?
"I don't care about the future, for I know He holds my hand" goes the lyrics of a famous Hymn. How many of us can confidently say that we really feel that way. Is it really human nature to feel apprehensive about what's going to happen tomorrow? I'd blame insecurity and lack of confidence in God, but it varies for everyone. Sometimes, I wish I had more faith, to see past what's going to happen next and understand that whatever is happening is for my good. So bringing us back to Priorities, which should be first? Schoolwork, Debate or Prefects? I'm sure we all know how I'm going to answer. God should be first, Schoolwork second then the third space is for whatever's left.
You know, if in a month's time I can joyfully say that I've made that order work for me, I'd be awfully overjoyed. All I can do is pray. Please pray for me, I am not confident about Friday in anyway possible, as I mentioned earlier on, today's spar went horribly wrong. Everything seems to be going horribly wrong. |
